I'm not happy - not happy at all - I've had three orders cancelled - I've never known anything like it - in fact I have only once sold more than three kitchens in a week and that was in the '70s when VAT went up from.... errr... I forget what it was - was it 8% - to 17.5% and there was a queue down the high street while they tried to get their order in before the chancellor dipped his sticky paws into our purses.

It hasn't worked the other way round - I spent four days sending out personal letters about the VAT savings to all my prospects from the last six months and all I got back were the three cancellations. It's not playing the game to have three of them try to cancel their orders in the same week - all quoting The Credit Crunch as their reason.

Banks refusing loans that they were certain they would get at the time when they paid me their deposits... cheeky sods even wanted their deposit money back - they can whistle... well, okay - I did weaken on the builder with the huge truck and hands like the Main Mast off HMS Victory, after he walked in one day - he had just sold his truck, laid off all his men and had been at the Estate Agent to put his house on the market to clear his debts.

He told me that he had been buying his raw materials at 'knock-off' prices from people in the trade, with home addresses in Eastern Europe for whom organ donation - or in fact any body part - is a perfectly acceptable alternative if cash is not forthcoming.

One of my other cancellation-clients was a bank manager; initially I didn't believe him when he said that he was having trouble raising the money, but it seems his staff-loan was coming from another division of the bank and his divisions manager didn't trust the other divisions manager (or was that the other way round?) anyway his funds had dried up. Cocky little twerp, he was sure he could have his deposit money back but I knew better and he weakened when I pointed out the small print that said I had a right to charge him an administration fee for all the inconvenience of having to put his order on hold.

He still didn't give up though - so I showed him the (free) design and specification costs he'd become liable for if he did cancel completely - it came to more than his deposit, so I wasn't bothered and he's gone off to sulk.

Well... I did swipe him one with my snow-shovel as well, but we'll not go into that. The super-clever Bankers got us into this mess, so they can cough!
The other one had to give up on his house move and is staying put, so we negotiated a redesign to fit the kitchen they'd ordered into his existing home instead - I had to charge him extra for my re-design work - I mean, I'll do it for free once, but expecting me to redesign their ordered kitchen to fit in their old home is asking too much.

And they have deferred the job until the Crunch gets softer, whenever that will be.

Wait a minute I just heard a noise, one that I used to be familiar with, what is it? Oh yes, the doorbell... it's a customer... he wants to save his VAT. You what!?

He's asking if he can have a refund on the VAT he paid for the kitchen he bought last summer! Where's my shovel, let's see if I can whack two in one day. It's worked. He's running!