Celebrity chefs who endorse rubbish products and people who don't pay their bills come in for a roasting from regular columnist Tim Foley...

Not that our little enterprise is a reliable indicator that we are beginning to see light at the end of the economic tunnel, but July and August of this year saw more than a twofold increase in the number of quote requests for bespoke worktops in our little corner of the kitchen universe.

There is, of course, the small matter of turning those requests to orders, yet still it is heartening to see tangible evidence that consumers are, in increasing numbers, attempting to source quality kitchen and bathroom products, despite the media-fed perception that buyers are still tightening their purse strings. On the internet, just as on the high street, buyers recognise quality products and services when they see them, yet I believe that 'sellers who know are sellers who grow', and to assume that all you have to do is invest in a fancy website with Flash animations and graphics is, I believe, a mistake.

Truth is that interactivity of some form or another, which allows your visitors to obtain knowledgeable answers after the shutters are closed on bricks-and-mortar businesses, is hard work. But in time it will pay dividends. This could be in the form of a blog, or a forum, but to show your expertise in your field is what surfers are looking for and statistically the busiest time of the online day is long after terrestrial traders have shut up shop.

Last message

I read an interesting story recently about a website called Last Messages Club, which allows people to write personal messages before their death that are then emailed to loved ones after their demise.

Just think how good it would be if you were also allowed to send them to not-so-loved ones. You could be honest in your afterlife correspondence to those who, for fear of legal retribution, you had to remain civil to while you were still breathing.

High on the list for me would be the bill avoiders, who spend much of their time ducking your calls for fear they might run out of excuses not to pay you for the service or goods you provided them six months earlier.

Something along the lines of: "It became quite plain that you were present the thirteenth time I called. My suspicions were aroused when your secretary assumed she'd pressed the mute button and I heard you quite clearly saying 'tell him I'm in a meeting'. Well, you no longer need to avoid my calls due to my recent passing. However, you still owe me £15,000 and if this is not paid into our company account within a day of this message, your name will top the list of a website set up before my passing - www.inanothermeeting.com - the Bill Avoiders Website.

"My old friend, Max Clifford has assured me that the site will top his marketing campaign and to thank him for operating it in my absence I've agreed that you will also pay him an additional £15,000. Maybe we'll catch up some day in that great conference room in the sky, unless of course you're in another meeting, that is.

"And be warned - I'll morph into a poltergeist for your next 'meeting' if you use the same scam to avoid paying anyone else."

"Yours sincerely, Tim Foley, Apartment 17, Purgatory."

How the list goes on and what fun it would be to message former employers or employees who made your life hell, telling them what employment law wouldn't let you to tell them when you were still alive. Keep insults to a minimum, though, or else the recipient may have the last laugh as you plummet downwards to Hell's Kitchen.

Where's the integrity?

It's a personal thing, of course, but the growing list of celebrity endorsements is something that really rankles with me.

Endorsing certain products that more savvy insiders believe to be third-rate is hoodwinking the consumer on the strength of a celebrity's popularity at the time. Does anyone really think that all celebrity chefs are truly knowledgeable about the products they put their name to? Sure, they know how their recipes turn out when cooking on them, but a flame is a flame and a hotplate is hot, is it not? 

Responsibility and integrity seem to be fly out the window for some celebs when asked if they'd like to endorse the new Cheapomatic range for a nice little earner. Yet there remains a core of die-hard fans who will buy the product just because their food hero tells them it's great.

Never mind the hordes of industry insiders who know better, who know it won't last and that the fan will need replacing every six weeks and the thermostat every two.

Perhaps a bit more research by the celebrity might ensure their popularity lasts a little longer than the product they decide to endorse. Exceptions do prove the rule and ironically, a quality product can work well for the longevity of the celebrity's fame, or even longer.

Into the Dragon's Den

Some years ago, when my hands were still covered in silicon instead of the occasional spot of printer's ink, I came up with an invention that I believed would prove beneficial to the consumer and provide a USP for cabinet makers who would surely see its worth in gaining new business. Years later and still it sits forlorn on our website in the hope that someone may one day spot its potential.

Any thoughts of ever pitching it on Dragon's Den went out the window when I conjured up the vision of Theo Paphitis cutting through it with an hacksaw, saying: "That's a fault that needs attention before anyone will invest in it". Is it me or does he have an obsession about destroying every product put in front of him? Thank God I never fitted his kitchen or bathroom - I'd be rehanging the doors every other day.

What do you think? Email the editor direct: andrew@kbbreview.com