Confessions of a bathroom retailer: Towel traumas and a severed toe…

This month, our bathroom retailer tells tales of poo towels, severed toes and sons that need to move out of their parents home.

If you own, run or work in a showroom that sells bathrooms, you will at some point have been working during a display change or renovation. You can’t see me, but as I type this, I am saluting you in solidarity. The dust, the cold, the noise — isn’t it charming!

Hopefully during your showroom update, you didn’t sever a staff member’s toe. We did — well not us technically, but a big mirror that broke. See if you can spot her at the next kbbreview awards, she will be in a floor-length dress sans toe. She would be more than happy to tell you all about it, I’m sure!

Talking of staff, one of our youngest designers recently had to keep a straight face when she discovered the reason her client was so hell-bent on finding out how much weight a bath would take.

It was not because she had eaten a little too much over quarantine, but rather that she had her son’s and his girlfriend’s weights written down and wanted to make sure it would take both of them, as they bathe together. I’m not a parent myself, but even I know that it’s time for that son to move on out!

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The older of us in the showroom are a little thicker-skinned as a result of a career made up of toilet talk. The oldest loves a good chat about ‘arse-wash’ toilets. But just when you thought we were done with the poop talk… strap in.

Social media is a fantastic tool for marketing and advertising an independent bathroom showroom such as ours. We love it and we use it frequently. We mainly feature photos of completed client projects and we go back to take as many as possible. 

And when we do go back to completed projects, we never know what to expect. We have clients whose bathrooms look pristine, sparkling beyond belief, but we have others who have just shaved their nether regions or taken a poop seconds before our arrival.

It’s a very real problem for us designers in search of the best ‘after’ pics we can get. 

One time, we took a towel off a radiator to roll it up and use it in a nicer position in the room only to find that it had a huge poop smear right down the centre. 

Here we all are, concerned that Covid is the biggest threat to our health, when in fact for us it’s faecal matter from our clients’ dirty towel habits!

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